NSU Horizons Fall 2018

14 NSU HORIZONS 1 S RIZ S Today more adult children, often driven by financial hardship, are coming back to the nest. Marriage counselors frequently find that conflict arises from disagreements over the new arrangement and one parent enabling the child. Sometimes, the stressor is an aging parent, whose needs may end up taking attention away from the marriage. Stress on the caregiver may cause them to take out their frustrations on their spouse. These are just a few examples of what counselors hear from couples in therapy every day. “People in marriages are busy with dual careers, parenthood, the work of caring for their own aging parents; they have less time for friendships and hobbies, so they have greater expectations of their spouses fulfilling many of their needs. Sometimes, these expectations overwhelm the marriage,” explains Michelle Friedman, M.D., director of Pastoral Counseling at Yeshivat Chovevei Torah Rabbinical School in New York City. In many cultures where multigenerational households are a tradition, caring for aging parents has been a marital third-wheel for centuries. The big, new elephant in the room is technology. Marquez says that in the last 10 years she has seen couples struggling with emotional and physical intimacy due to what she calls distractions caused by a rapidly changing world. “I would include technology at the top of that list.” While some couples love having immediate access to their significant other through text messaging and other technologies, there are downsides. “Many couples communicate beautifully via text messaging, but sometimes there can be misinterpretation. One partner will say: ‘when you used all capital letters, that meant you were angry.’” Marquez also works with couples who are having disagreements over the amount of time spent on social media. “People have relationships with Facebook, not just on Facebook.” continued from previous page